The following is a scene from a pilot for a TV show based in Johannesburg, South Africa. Two friends and colleagues, Raj Govendor, the Indian-South African Chief of Police is having lunch with Billy Lee III, a third generation Chinese-South African and the Public Prosecutor (the South African version of the District Attorney). They are discussing the Premier’s (the South African version of Mayor) plan to stamp out sexual harassment.

City Hall

Episode 1, Scene 4

RAJ AND BILLY LEE III ARE HAVING LUNCH AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT

RAJ
(TAKING OUT A SACHE OF CURRY FROM HIS UNIFORM POCKET AND POURING IT OVER HIS DISH) You know, when we’re retired we should open up a restaurant together. Chinese-Indian cuisine. Two of the world’s oldest and most sophisticated cuisines. Together--you never see that.

BILLY LEE
Sounds good. But why wait? This job gives me sleepless nights. Enforcing the law is a thankless job. And it’s non-stop. Sometimes I feel like everyone’s a criminal.
That’s the premise I start from, that everyone’s a criminal until proven innocent and even then…I look at my wife and kids and I think, they’re probably stealing from me. I’m thinking of having them tailed. You know what I mean? Is that normal? I’m tired of it.

RAJ
Tell me about it. (SCOFFS) And now this--sexual harassment. Huh. As if we don’t have enough to worry about. How the hell do we enforce that anyway? Put cameras inside every office?

BILLY LEE
Who even wants to? I wouldn’t mind getting sexually harassed myself. I’m getting hot and bothered just thinking about it.

RAJ
Well, don’t look at me. I’m not that way inclined. (WIPING SWEAT OFF HIS FOREHEAD) You want some curry?

BILLY LEE
You and your curry. Is there anything you don’t eat it with?

RAJ
(THOUGHTFULLY) Sure—lamb.

BILLY LEE
(PUZZLED) Lamb? Why lamb?

RAJ
Cause I don’t eat lamb

BILLY LEE
That explains it. Uh, Listen, Raj, you ever been unfaithful?

RAJ
Only to my hairdresser

BILLY LEE
(INCREDULOUS) Your hairdresser? What do you mean?

RAJ
Yeah, my hairdresser--don’t you feel like that? You have that special kind of relationship with your hairdresser, don’t you? You tell each other intimate details, know each other for years. And then, one day, you wouldn’t mind trying a different hairdresser, but you feel a little guilty, how do you tell her? It’s like telling your wife you wouldn’t mind trying another woman for a night.

BILLY LEE
I never thought about that.

RAJ
Sure, no one has. So then you don’t say anything and you go to another hairdresser, stealthily. You feel like you’re sneaking around. And then you don’t see your old hairdresser for a few months. The longer the period, the more awkward it is. You worry you will inadvertently run into her somewhere, out of the blue. You start getting sleepless nights. Of course, she knows you’re going to some else, she knows you’re cheating on her…(RAJ’S EYES GET A DREAMY, FARAWAY LOOK)

RAJ IS SITTING AT A HAIRDRESSER IN A MALL, BY THE WINDOW, PEOPLE WALKING BY, GETTING HIS HAIRCUT. HE AND HIS HAIRDRESSER ARE SHARING A LITTLE INTIMATE JOKE BETWEEN THEM, BOTH CHUCKLING. SUDDENLY A WOMAN WALKING WITH HER FRIEND GOES BY, LOOKING IN, ALMOST PASSING THE SHOP, THEN COMES BACK AND STARES, ASTONISHED, HORRIFIED, AT RAJ. IT TAKES A MOMENT FOR RAJ TO NOTICE HER. THEN HE’S PANICSTRICKEN. THE WOMAN LETS OUT A YELL AND STARTS TO RUN. RAJ SHAKES OFF THE PLASTIC COVER AND, HAIR HALF DONE, ALUMINUM IN HIS HAIR—HE’S GETTING STREAKS--RUNS AFTER THE WOMAN.

RAJ
Cynthia! Wait! I can explain! It’s not what you think!

THE WOMAN
(TURNING AROUND, SOBBING) Raj, how could you? I thought you were different. People said, be careful, they are all the same, but I didn’t listen. (TEARS STREAMING DOWN HER CHEEKS). Is she younger? Is that it? More hip? More with the times? Gives you a Johnny Depp haircut, is that it? Or maybe has a fancy pair of scissors? I saw her. She’s an amateur, a tramp. After everything we’ve been through together, Raj. And look at me now, middle aged, a has-been, a loyal idiot to you all these years, and for what? To be thrown aside like a brown banana.

RAJ
(PLEADINGLY) Cynthia, please, let me explain.

THE WOMAN
So, go ahead—explain.

HER FRIEND HAS CAUGHT UP AND STANDS NEXT TO CYNTHIA, GLARING AT RAJ WITH DISDAIN, HATRED IN HER EYES

RAJ
I was bored. I needed a change, just for a while, I was planning to come back to you…

THE WOMAN
You think you can throw me away like that? You think I’ll just hang around, waiting until you decide I’m good enough again? (BURSTS OUT CRYING AGAIN)

SECOND WOMAN
Don’t listen to him, Cynthia, didn’t I tell you? They are all the same. (HISSES) All of them. You think you found one good one, and it always ends the same. Let him go, he’s not worth it. He doesn’t deserve you. You’re better off without him.

RAJ
(PLEADINGLY) No, wait, please, it was a mistake. A once-off. It meant nothing to me. I wasn’t even crazy about the way she shaved my neck. Gave me a rash. I wanted to come back, I promise. Give me another chance. Cynthia, please. I’ll do anything. Please forgive me. I’ve been so selfish. What the hell was I thinking?

RAJ AND BILLY LEE SITTING AT THE RESTAURANT

RAJ
You see what I mean

BILLY LEE
Christ. How horrible. A small indiscretion, a small hair salon infidelity and your life is never the same again. You are left with your sad shorn hair on the floor and lingering regrets

RAJ
If you’re lucky. Maybe she’s taken her scissors and plunged them madly into…ah, nevermind, maybe the Premier’s right. Maybe it all starts with some small sexual innuendo. A little sexual harassment. Next thing you know, your life’s a mess. (RAJ NOTICES BILLY LEE HAS HARDLY EATEN) You not hungry?

BILLY LEE
I’ve lost my appetitive.

RAJ
Sorry about that. Mind if I finish it? (BILLY LEE SHAKES HIS HEAD. RAJ, HAVING FINISHED HIS MEAL, PULLS BILLY LEE’S PLATE OVER, TAKES OUT THE CURRY AGAIN AND SPRINKLES IT ON, THEN STARTS EATING). Hey--why did you ask if I’ve ever been unfaithful in the first place?

BILLY LEE
I got a new secretary. Raj, for god’s sake--you should see her outfits. Skimpy. Short skirts. I can’t take it anymore. Each time she bends to pick something up, my glasses fog over.

RAJ
Try contact lenses. And whatever you do, don’t travel down that route, my friend. Take my hairdresser story as a warning. Don’t make me arrest you for sexual harassment. (RAJ CHUCKLES, TURNS TO THE SIDE AND RAISES HIS HAND) Waiter! The cheque, please.

Copyright David G. Hochman 2005