A Dream

I am being followed along in my day to day activities by a very 'straight'-looking individual: short hair, permanent press suit, plain Caucasian features. I stop at the Starbucks near my train station to get a quick cup of coffee before work and he's in there, looking at me over a newspaper. Once I get to work, I find he's at the library, sitting at a nearby table pretending to read while I man the reference desk.

I get the idea that maybe he's an agent with the FBI or CIA. I haven't done anything wrong, of course, but these are suspicious times and I have been known to be outspoken about my beliefs and opinions. Am I being followed because I'm opposed to the war and the President? If that's what is going on, then I suppose about 70% of the population must be under surveillance at this point. Hell, maybe they are. It's hard to feel surprised anymore about these sorts of things.

I'm walking home. The gentleman is behind me several paces, still maintaining his charade. He has to know his cover is blown by this point, either that or he must think I'm really stupid not to be onto him. This cat and mouse game goes on for days, until finally I confront him. "What's it going to take to get you to stop following me? You want to search my house? Will you leave me alone if I let you search the house?" He takes me up on the invitation.

Once inside, the house is in impeccable order. Christy has evidently cleaned very thoroughly in the last day or so. The strange man inspects my papers and so on, nodding thoughtfully when he finds something he considers noteworthy. "This is a lovely house," he says. "You must be very proud of it. Mr. Kane, may I ask you something?" I nod, waiting for the other shoe to drop, "Have you ever considered purchasing a timeshare? I think it would fit in really nicely with your lifestyle"

"That's what this was about?" I say, incredulous, "You're trying to sell me something? Man, I had you down as the CIA or some kind of a narc. Unbelievable."

"Oh, no, no, Mr. Kane. Don't get the wrong idea, you're not wrong about me. I am definitely a Fed, and you are being followed. The timeshare thing, though, that's just something I do on the side. And I think a timeshare would be perfect for you both and the way your lives."

I show him the door.