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by Tara Seibel

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Negotiations and Love Stories
Raconteur Theater
Club Diversity
Columbus, Ohio
May 21 – June 6
* * * 1/2
by Rick Brown

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Our Mulberry Tree
by Joseph Galron


The quiet ways brought back
A slew of cold conversations
Where me and bridget talk in humorous tones
About the sizzling burdens of life
That we wear just under our band-aid skin.

jessy kendall

The Non-Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:

Senior Excursion II !

by Rick Brown

Scene: A small mini-bus with folding doors on the passenger side, center stage and facing the audience. It is a gray and somewhat rainy day. Rick is driving and there are 9 senior ladies sitting behind him almost filling the bus. Everyone is relatively quiet.

Rick – That’s the final shopper. Is everyone settled and buckled in?

Senior lady #4 (from the back of the bus) – We’re all here Rick.

Rick – I apologize for it taking a while to pick all of you up.

Senior Lady #8 (from the middle of the bus) – It’s you’re first day and you’re doin’ fine…especially in this rain!

Senior Lady #5 – Yeah, it’s yucky.

Senior Lady #7 – At least it isn’t snowing!

Senior ladies #1, #3, #4, #7 – Yes!

Senior Lady #8 - You’ll be fine once you know where we all live.

They drive on for a few moments in silence.

Senior lady #9 – Anybody want to hear some jokes? I’ve got some doozies!

Senior Lady #1 – Are they dumb blonde jokes? I love those.

Senior Lady # 9 – No…better! I have SENIOR CITIZEN JOKES!!

Senior ladies #1 - #8 – Ah! Ha! HA!

Senior Lady #6 – Well, tell ‘em! What are you waiting for?

Senior Lady # 9 – Okay. This one is kind of about St. Patrick’s Day and I know that was a week ago but…”

Senior Lady #6 – Just tell the joke!

Senior Lady # 9 – Okay. Paddy is drinkin’ at his favorite pub on St. Patrick’s Day when he asks the barkeep for another drink. The bartender says “You’ve had enough. That’s all for you Paddy! Now go home to your wife.” So Paddy scoots off his barstool and falls on his face on the floor. He tries to pick himself up but again falls on his face. Paddy crawls to the door, pulls himself up on the doorknob but when he opens the door he again falls out of the bar an on his face. This crawling and falling continues all the way home. By the time Paddy gets home he is exhausted. He falls on his face getting into bed.

Senior Lady # 5 – He sure must be drunk!

Senior Lady # 2 Like a SKUNK!

The bus is filled with laughter.

Senior Lady # 9 continues – In the morning Paddy’s wife brings him something for his hangover and says, “Paddy, you sure must have been crocked last night. Paddy looks up and replies, “How would you know? You weren’t with me”. Paddy’s wife puts her hands on her hips and says, “The bartender just called. You left your wheelchair at the pub.”

Everyone on the bus – WAH! HA! HA! HA!

Senior Lady #4 – Tell another one!

Senior Lady #1 – Are you sure you don’t have any dumb blonde jokes?

Senior Lady #9 (ignoring Senior Lady #1) – Okay…there’s this old man and he decides he’s gonna go to the mall. So he tells his wife he’s driving to the mall and leaves in his car. After he gets on the freeway his cell phone rings. It’s his wife. His wife says to the old guy “Be careful! I just heard there was some guy driving the WRONG WAY on the FREEWAY!” Her husband shouts into the phone “ONE GUY! THERE MUST BE A HUNDRED OF THEM!!”

Everyone on the bus – WAH! HA! HA!

Senior Lady #4 – GOOD ONE!! HA!!


Rick – himself
Senior Ladies #1. #2, #3, #4, #5, #6, #7, #8 & #9 – themselves.

How Do I Tell You
by Dennis Toth

How do I tell you
what I feel
Each time your
simple kiss
Reminds me of our
passion, still there
Despite the many years.

How do I even begin
to describe
The elegant island
of your back or
The slender reed
of your neck.
The beauty of your eyes
and the joyous secret
Of your smile.

UR ok
C. Mehrl Bennett

Park City

Morris Jackson

Morris Jackson will exhibit in "Here and Beyond,
The Ohio Art League's 100th Anniversary Exhibition"
July 30-October 25, 2009 at the Riffe Gallery.

I can eat things of the earth pure
by Elisa Phillips

Whatever is it then that you can eat?
Honeysuckle flowers for a sweet
Don't you long for confections
meals of convention
Whatever is it then that you can eat?

I can eat things of the earth pure
once I have made sure
That the kitchen is clean
and the labels say what they mean
I can eat things of the earth pure

Whatever is it then that you can eat?
Why not just cheat?
Surely a little bit will not hurt
Once can hardly live on sticks and dirt
Whatever is it then that you can eat?

I can eat things of the earth pure
There is so much more
I eat to nourish
so that I can flourish
I can eat things of the earth pure

Whatever is it then that you can eat?
I could manage on a menu so incomplete
Meals with you are no fest
more like a queen’s bequest
Whatever is it then that you can eat?

I can eat things of the earth pure
It is a limited list to be sure
But I am living my life
free from immuno strife
I can eat things of the earth pure

by Sue Lense

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January Redux

by Cyndi O'Leary

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Start with the fortunate first word.
The brick bat and the cricket named Chester.
I was just sitting around suppin’ soup with Bunnicula,
Then hopped down to the The Mad Scientist’s Club
And got a ride under the lake in their homemade sub,
Then lay in fields that get padded with love.

Crow and Servo comment on it,
I set down upon it,
Down around and up on it,
Think I lost then found it,
Grown up big behind it.

jessy kendall

The Non-Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:

Everywhere You Go There’s At Least One Stooge!

by Rick Brown & Kristina Samuels

Scene: An old time gas station somewhere in the middle of Alabama. A worker in gas station garb stands behind the service counter while a group of four men surround him. They appear to be in a seriously important discussion. One man is emphatically shaking his head in the direction of the guy behind the counter. Rick G. enters stage right after filling his tank and comes upon the group. He is obviously taken aback by their sense of immediacy.

Rick G. – I’d like to…uh…

The man stage left continues shaking his head in disbelief. The others look wide-eyed and nonplussed, shifting their weigh from one foot to the other.

Man behind the counter (with a thick, southern country accent in an authoritative voice) - No, no, no. no, no, no no, NO! I tell ya! Da one wit da curly hair was MOE!


Rick G. – Rick G.
4 loitering men – 4 loitering men
Man Behind the Counter – Man Behind the Counter
Larry - Moe

The Non – Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:

A Hot Dog Isn’t Always Just a Hot Dog

by Rick Brown

Scene – a large grocery store self check out lane, the kind of lane for more than 12 items with a conveyer belt and self-bagging area. As the scene begins Rick is scanning his last few items. His total sundry count is not large but more than 12.

Scanner – please insert any coupons in BEEP! Select your type of payment.

Rick chooses “cash”.

Scanner – BEEP! Do not forget to take your change and your receipt. Thank you for shopping Giant Eagle.

Rick moves to the end of the conveyer belt and begins bagging his groceries when suddenly he hears.

Scanner – Welcome to Giant Eagle. If you have a Giant Eagle rewards card please scan it now. BEEP!

Rick looks to his immediate left and sees two college bubbas dressed in Ohio State t – shirts and shorts. The Venti bubba, who appears to be in charge , instructs the merely Tall bubba in the fine art of cylindrical grilling meat scanning. They begin scanning packages of hot dogs, bratwurst, and all kinds of tube like meat products in what seems to Rick to be a manic pace. Soon Rick is flooded with purchases that are not his.

Rick – HEY!

Venti bubba – Wha?

Rick – I’m trying to bag my groceries over here!

Venti bubba turns to his smaller version and says, “I ain’t stoppin’!” with frat boy insolence.

As packages of hot dogs, et al crash into Rick’s bag and purchases he flings them to his right where they slam against the back of the self checkout area.
Tall bubba, who is clearly embarrassed, hurries over to begin bagging up the 2 bubbas’ afternoon picnic spread.

Rick (turning to his right and addressing Tall bubba) – you guys must be in a big fucking hurry huh?

Tall bubba – (sheepishly) Uh…yeah…sorry about that.

Rick finishes his bagging, picks up his bag and begins leaving the store. When directly behind Tall bubba (who is frantically throwing wieners into plastic bags) Rick pauses momentarily.

Rick – your friend is a real dickhead you know.

Rick walks through the sliding glass door exit.


From behind the curtain:
Scanner – Thank you for shopping Giant Eagle BEEP!

Rick – himself
Scanner – itself
Tall bubba – any run of the mill college frat boy
Venti bubba – any run of the mill college frat boy majoring in “dickhead”


© 2001-2009 NakedSunfish, All Rights Reserved

Issue 1 - January 2002