“I decided since I had to use non-chlorinated water to take advantage of the water collected by the basement’s dehumidifier.” he said. The results were immediate with the shitakes growing at a Herculean rate. “I don’t know if it’s the water or the constant misting but when these (expletive) started taking off, it scared the living (expletive) out of me.” Brown said. He has since moved his mushroom patch to the backyard before growing too large to remove from his basement. He now uses his enormous fungi for the practical purpose of sheltering his Smart Car. “It’s one big (expletive) but it ain’t no SUV garage!” Brown explained. Yet we here at the Fish of Nakedness do not doubt his ability to grow SUV sized fungi.

When asked his secrets of success he gave Naked Sunfish reporters this list:
Secrets to gargantuan mushroom growth:

1) retire, quit job or get laid off/fired
2) mist mushroom farm 500-600 times daily
3) think good giant mushroom thoughts

Brown also gave us possible practicalities for such a venture.

Options for using gargantuan mushrooms:

1) soup for the county
2) patio umbrella for moderate sized restaurant
3) carport (as shown below)
4) home for hookah smoking caterpillar
5) storage unit for earth moving Caterpillar

Actual Size