American Politics Considered as a Six Furlong Thoroughbred Race
(apologies to Alfred Jarry and J.G. Ballard)


And the horses are at the gate. IDEALISM is the first, the veteran gray gelding takes his place like a professional. CORPORATE MONEY comes next. Here comes OBSTRUCTIONIST, the massive colt is stubborn today and refuses to enter. The gate crew is working on him, three of them are driving at his massive haunches...at last, he enters the enclosure. COMMON SENSE is the next to load. In the five slot we have MAINSTREAM MEDIA, he lines up without incident. CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE appears skittish, but a tap on the rump from his jockey and he has joined the line. CYNICAL PLOY enters the seven hole. That leaves only APATHETIC PUBLIC in the white blinkers. APATHETIC PUBLIC appears to be distracted by something in the grandstand and is not moving forward. The crew is going over...Oh! CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE is causing a stir, rearing up in the gate. Now OBSTRUCTIONIST is at it too, the starting gate is rocking at both ends. Finally they've calmed down, but the vets want to take a look at both horses, so it looks like we'll have a delay. Now the jockey is off COMMON SENSE, something must've happened to him while CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE was carrying on. Now he's being backed out. Now they all are. The crew is unloading the gate, and we'll have to start all over.

The vets have finished looking over the field. OBSTRUCTIONIST remains as does CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE, but COMMON SENSE is a late scratch. Not much money riding on COMMON SENSE, so it shouldn't have much of an impact at least on the parimutuel side of things. They're reloading quickly this time, all seven horses are set.

And they are off and on their way! Oh, MAINSTREAM MEDIA appeared to have her head turned as the gates sprung open and has already spotted the field several lengths. APATHETIC PUBLIC, too, broke poorly, just walked out of the gate and is running wide. No such problems for CORPORATE MONEY, who flew out like a shot and has sprinted to an early lead, followed two lengths back by CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE on his inside and OBSTRUCTIONIST to the outside. CYNICAL PLOY has a good tracking spot in fourth and IDEALISM is a ground-saving fifth, about six lengths off the lead. APATHETIC PUBLIC continues to race greenly away from the action, while MAINSTREAM MEDIA must be some twenty lengths back as if she were running in a race all her own.

Opening quarter rolls off in a sensible :23 flat. CORPORATE MONEY continues to hold sway, a good three lengths ahead of a wilting CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE, who is about to be passed by OBSTRUCTIONIST to his outside. CYNICAL PLOY is behind him, then IDEALISM still biding his time. The other two are far, far out of it, it's down to these. CORPORATE MONEY hits the top of the stretch a length and a half in front of CYNICAL PLOY. Half in :47 and 3/5. IDEALISM beginning to make a bid from fourth. CRACKPOT XENOPHOBE has stopped, it's a four horse race. IDEALISM still gaining as the others tire, but CYNICAL PLOY goes wide, forcing the rider to take up and lose precious ground. IDEALISM re-rallies, takes to the inside, passing the beaten CYNICAL PLOY only to be bumped hard by a fading OBSTRUCTIONIST. He rallies yet again, and CORPORATE MONEY's lead is down to a length just under a 16th out. CORPORATE MONEY desperate to hang on, IDEALISM giving it everything
he's got, CORPORATE MONEY by half a length, CORPORATE MONEY by a neck, CORPORATE MONEY by a head, the wire, Oh! Photo finish. It looks like CORPORATE MONEY won. CORPORATE MONEY wins in the end. IDEALISM ran too good to lose, but could not overcome the trouble. Final time one minute and ten seconds.