lobster monkey

alright. so there’s this lobster. okay. so this lobster walks into a bar. NO – don’t imagine a regular-sized lobster. think a giant one. human-sized. so nobody notices. not that nobody would notice a giant lobster, but it’s vital that the lobster can mingle and sit on a bar stool. also, it’s a talking lobster. and, cos it’s a joke, we’ll make him French. so, a giant, talking, French lobster walks into a bar. the bartender’s all, “Hey, buddy! What can I get ya?” he says ‘ya’ cos he’s from Brooklyn. so the lobster’s all, “Oui oui, moi will have a scotch on the rocks.” and the bartender’s all, “Can I see some I.D.?” so the lobster reaches into his pocket – he’s wearing pants. NO. Lederhosen. way funnier than pants. so he reaches into his Lederhosen and pulls out his wallet. while searching for an I.D., he drops a business card. it says “john lobster, private eye.” well, that’s written on it. the business card can’t talk. like the lobster. so the bartender’s all, “Youse a detective?” and the lobster’s all, “What it to ya?” – or, more like “Vut is it to you” in a French accent. OH! OH! He’s also wearing a beret. beret-wearing lobster. HA HA!

or was it a monkey? we’ll go monkey. giant, talking, French monkey wearing a beret and Lederhosen. and he’s a detective. and the bartender’s all, “I think my woman’s cheating on me. Can ya spy on her?” and the monkey’s all, “Just because moi’s eyes can rotate, doesn’t mean moi will do your dirty work.”

OH, WAIT. guess it should be the lobster then, huh?

get it?