Defending Your Life

by
Julie Klein

In 1991, I was 27 years old. I was working as a paralegal. I had a great car. I was living by myself in an upscale one bedroom apartment. I had a wonderful group of friends: some I’d known from high school that also settled in Columbus, some from college and some new friends I had met in Columbus. We had a tight and eclectic group of guys and gals who hung out most every weekend. Sounds like the perfect city life for a 20-something doesn’t it? So why did I cry myself to sleep a number of nights? Was it because I had too much wine? Was it because I wasn’t in a committed relationship? Was it because I didn’t look like a super model?  I would actually ask myself these questions and more and although one or more “might” have contributed – that wasn’t it. Something else was lurking…I just didn’t know what.

So then, one Sunday, a friend and I went to the movies - as we often did on Sunday afternoons. We loved romantic comedies. A new one was out (remember, this is 1991): Defending Your Life. I remember calling my friend and saying, “this is going to be great! It’s Meryl Streep and Albert Brooks”. In fact, as I later learned, Albert Brooks was not just in the movie, he also wrote and directed it.

The movie started off great but then, (SPOILER ALERT), Albert Brooks’ character dies and goes through various things until he ends up at this place where he is assigned an attorney to help him “defend his life” in this big courtroom in the sky.

At that point, my mind went “whoa…”

You see, I’ve never been a religious person. I consider myself a more spiritual person. I do pray occasionally but it’s more to the bigger forces that “I think?”  be or the earth forces at large vs. just one God sitting up there taking it all in. I’ve always had questions and wondered about the existence of an after life. Why are we here? What’s the point? Etc. etc.

So that’s why my mind went “whoa”. Here I was, sitting in a movie theater on a Sunday afternoon experiencing one of the biggest epiphanies of my 27 year old life: Defending your life!
Now THAT makes sense.

What happened next? I broke down, I cried, right there in the movie theatre. My friend was laughing and enjoying the movie and I was crying. She asked what was wrong but I didn’t feel like I could explain it so I chalked it off to PMS. The movie’s message didn’t affect her the same way at all. She just thought it was a good romantic comedy and I was having a life changing moment.

I drove home with my head swimming…Defending your Life – what does that mean? Well, according to the movie, it means you live your life, you die and then you are in a court room to decide your fate. Your attorney presents and defends your life and the prosecuting attorney questions and challenges all of the various decisions you’ve made. They look into things like, did you pursue your dreams? Did you stand up for yourself and others? Did you fight for what you believed? Were you a good person? Did you go for it? Basically, what did you do with your life?

So as I thought through all of this, it became crystal clear to me why I had nights where I cried myself to sleep. I may have had a good job, good friends, dates, a nice car and great apartment, but I was empty. I wasn’t happy. It was time to make a change and I’m eternally grateful, that I listened to myself and had the courage to do so. Once I opened up my mind to the fact, that it IS my life and it’s full of choices, things started to become clear.

I took inventory. Who am I? What talents do I possess? What do I want to do?

I was born with a natural singing voice. I loved to sing ever since I could remember. I loved to entertain. But why, until now did I never think of pursuing any of that? I guess partly because, no one in my family or anyone I knew had a career in the arts. It just didn’t occur to me…until now.  So, through a friend, I heard about this arts company that was just starting. I called and set up an audition. I’ll never forget the moment I got to the theatre door. I hesitated and for a second thought, “what are you doing?” Then “something”, I don’t know what, perhaps “forces that be” or my own “bigger self” made me open that door and walk in. A moment that changed my life forever. I came close to not getting the job. They thought I could sing a little but that I couldn’t act “for shit”. I’m told what actually got me the job was that someone had a “feeling about me”. They saw a spark.

Flash forward 22 years. I turned 50 this year. I’ve been with that same arts organization for all of those years: Shadowbox Live. I auditioned within six months after seeing that movie, Defending Your Life. I joined the company to find a place to use my voice. But now, I’m an accomplished singer, sketch comedienne, actor, director, writer and producer. I happened upon this company of people with like minds and found my “home”. Has it been easy? Hell no, it has been nothing but hard work every step of the way. The hours are long, the pay is low, but when you’re doing something you love, you’re passionate about and believe in, it’s amazing what really matters and what doesn’t. Clarity is a wonderful thing. However, with choices come sacrifices. I’m not married, I don’t have kids, but again, I’m ok with that. Actually, I consider myself a mom to many of the younger kids at Shadowbox…BUT, I can leave them at the theater when I go home!  Fulfillment comes in many ways. It’s up to you to dig down deep and find what defines your life and makes you happy.

The best feeling is not just doing what I love, but being able to share it with others: make them laugh and make them feel something. And it’s funny, it has never ceased to amaze me that on those days (and they are rare) when I’m not feeling well or just don’t feel like “putting on a show”, that the end result is someone ALWAYS stopping and taking the time to say to me something like, “I had a horrible week and you made me laugh, thank  you” or “our dad passed away this week and we all came to the show to escape and you sang one of his favorite songs” or numerous other things. Those moments blow me away. The timing of them, the honesty, the “that’s why I do this” reminder is a beautiful thing. My life is nowhere near perfect but at the end of the day, if I die tomorrow, I’m actually ok with “defending my life”. I’ve even thought about a few (ok maybe more than a few) bad choices I’ve made. I already have my stat answer prepped for the prosecuting attorney for those. I’ll simply smile and say, “seemed like a good idea at the time.”