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I had planned poetry-- but instead, I am offering you this letter: Dear Parents of Young Children: Give yourself a hug. Cut yourself some slack. In short, do what I never did. Be kind to yourself. Understand this is not me telling you it is ok to ignore your child in public, letting your cherub run the aisle of the airplane or kick the seat in front of him, certainly I am not telling you it is ok for your 4 year old to wipe her nose on the coat tail of the woman in front of her in the grocery store line (no-- I am not making that up, I was victim of just such an incident.) What I am telling you is, after you have fought the good fight, finally gotten your little one(s) to bed, and are faced with a quiet house, finally. Pat yourself on the back. Let out a sigh, do a yoga HA breath. This is the hardest job you will ever have. When my kiddos where younger, and understand my husband is gone 17 days or so a month, making me a single mamma, much of the time-- I used to beat myself up. Why was my house such a mess, why were other moms excelling at superhero tasks. My evil inner critic had a field day as I cried due to exhaustion, sorting legos, cars and polly pockets. I let other mommies make me feel guilty for not volunteering more and not being good enough to “handle it all.” Maybe my experience was colored by the care of terminally ill mothers at the same time. That said, I had a business (job) that I could put on hold. All parents juggle several balls at the same time. I am just encouraging you to be kind to yourself. The actual time, that you will land in any set phase of parenting, while in the moment it feels like forever, is actually short. Give yourself permission to be less than perfect. Tired of sorting legos-- let it go. They will be there tomorrow, all jumbled up waiting for you. Have a drink, put your feet up knowing, that in the long run, a well nurtured child with a well centered parent, is more important than a bin of neatly sorted legos. While I have no regrets-- I wish someone had stopped me and said, hey, it seems impossible now, but you will be onto the next phase soon. I wish more parents would be honest and authentic in their struggles. I wish someone would have told that evil critical voice in my head to shut up. Recently I looked back over the time period when my kiddos where ranging from 0-5 and looked at all I did accomplish. I was prolific here on the Naked Sunfish and other places, I finished my Masters and I somehow held it together. I was excelling. I'm pretty sure the only person being truly critical of my performance, was me. (And ok-- the occasional bitchy PTO momma, who I didn't like anyway.) So last week, when my friend picked up her 3 and 5 year old, who I had taken care of for the day along with my two, I looked my frazzled self in the mirror and said honestly and truthfully. “Hey, I'm sorry. I was a real bitch to you back in the day and you didn't deserve it.” Then I poured myself a class of wine. Cheers! Elisa
Happy New Year. With a new year, comes new things. I invite all my Naked Sunfish readers to follow my Short Story 2014. You
can go to Elisa Phillips' blog at: www.elisaphilips.blogspot.com |
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