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One Hand The other day when I was coming out of Dr. Peters’ office I turned back a little to say thanks for the session which I always try to say to be polite and he said think about what we discussed today you have some difficult issues to work on next time and I thought to myself issues I hate that word I hate the whole sound of it issues I don’t have issues what I have is a sucky past that won’t let me be and a decent unexciting life and a weekly trek to the shrink that makes me feel shakier than when I went in and I started thinking back to this writer’s conference I went to last summer because I want to be a great writer and I write every morning and I think I’m pretty good and the main guy who spoke this novelist guy he said don’t do therapy in this big booming voice like he knew what he was talking about he said if you want to write you can’t do therapy because you need to write all your stuff down and be interesting and I thought at the time well that’s pretty fucked up but I thought he might be right too and so I started thinking about whether I had to choose and which I would choose would I want to be happy and unknown or famous and depressed but that just made my brain go on overtime because it’s like one of those Zen things like what is the sound of one hand clapping and you can’t really answer it because there is no answer really how could you be a successful and famous writer and not be happy I just can’t picture it it makes my brain hurt just thinking about it. Cathy Barber
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