Columbus Day

I always thought it strange that in Columbus, Ohio, Columbus Day was not a holiday at THE Ohio State University where I worked. (Note: I emphasize “THE” because OSU is in the process of attempting to obtain a trademark on the word “the” in order to make it official that the institution is the one and only Ohio State University.) Why was this the case? If Columbus Day is not a holiday everywhere in the city that bears Columbus’s name, why should it be a holiday at all?

Much to my amazement, my question is being answered in a way I did not expect. Columbus Day is actually in the process of disappearing as a holiday everywhere. OK, so Columbus thought he had landed in India when he was actually in the Caribbean Islands, and he never discovered his error at any point during his four voyages. And, yes, Columbus claimed the 10,000-maravedi reward for first sighting land when it was actually one of his sailors, Rodrigo de Triana, who did so. Nobody’s perfect, right? Columbus still found a “New World” even though he didn’t know it. His voyages also spurred a great era of discovery.

But then again, these lands had already been discovered, hadn’t they? There were people already living there. Columbus noticed this himself. He remarked on their hospitality, generosity and simplicity, stating in one of his messages that 50 of his men could easily conquer all of the natives. Then he proceeded to demonstrate the truth of his statement. He put the Arawak natives to work finding gold that Columbus believed to be present in large amounts. True, this was another miscalculation by Columbus. There was little of the precious metal to be found in the Caribbean Islands. But Columbus had to pay for his voyages somehow, didn’t he? And how did he know that there wasn’t much gold around? He wasn’t a geologist, was he?

Some of the Arawaks did find some gold, and were rewarded with a copper token to wear around their necks. Must have been very decorative, no? But naturally, most of these Arawaks couldn’t find any gold. Now we know there was some gold there. It wasn’t as if there was no gold whatsoever. So Columbus couldn’t let these slackers set the standard for the rest of the Arawaks. He had to sanction their behavior in some way, didn’t he? Alright, perhaps cutting off their hands was a bit severe. After inflicting such an injury, the victim bled to death. But, you know, punishments were more severe back in the day. They generally didn’t resort to making miscreants stand in the corner or go to their timeout areas, maybe because Doctor Spock hadn’t yet published his tome on creative child rearing.

Singer songwriter Randy Newman flat out scandalized Columbus in his song “The Great Nations of Europe.” He says: “Columbus sailed for India/Found Salvador instead/He shook hands with some Indians/And soon they all were dead/They got TB and typhoid and athlete’s foot/Diptheria and the flu/Excuse me, great nations coming through.” Yes, Columbus and his crew did introduce illnesses to the Caribbean that were unknown before. But it isn’t as if they intended to get the Indians sick. I mean Columbus didn’t want sick slaves did he? Sick slaves can’t do much work, after all. Columbus enslaved 1,500 Arawaks, and I’m sure he wanted them to be healthy and strong so they could find all that gold for him. Now we know that Columbus wasn’t a doctor so he couldn’t be expected to know anything about these diseases and how to treat them. It was 1492 after all, and who knew anything about that stuff back then? Not even the doctors.

About fifty years after Columbus landed in the Caribbean, there were hardly any Arawaks to be found. Contemporary accounts speak about Arawaks running away to the mountains to escape from the Europeans, and being set upon by dogs; about Arawak mothers poisoning their children to save them from a life of slavery; about mass suicides by the Arawaks. Now this sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it? I mean this might be enough to cause some folks to rethink this whole Columbus Day business. If we had all this stuff in mind, how could we celebrate the person who caused all these atrocities to occur? You know, I’m beginning to see why Columbus Day has lost much of its splendor. Some communities have started to celebrate an Indigenous People’s Day. Maybe that’s not a bad idea. But I’m betting it’s not going to be an official October holiday at THE Ohio State University. Why? Because OSU has always celebrated Columbus Day in November. That way you get a four-day Thanksgiving weekend.