Satan’s Turtle vs. Virgin Mary’s Grilled Cheese

For those whose confidence and trust in American media has been wavering or had already totally withered, listen up. We can at last put our faith (pun intended - hee!) back into the liberal Jew-run media. Those filthy heathens may not always get it right, or touch on the stories we need most, but when they do it’s a reminder to all of us that our one lord works in wonderfully magnificentous mysterious ways. Why just today I was reading the “news” online, in between my multiple daily visits to www.godsaidmansaid.com for my science refresher course (it’s my homepage, and should be yours, unless you don’t mind going to hell), when I read the most fascinating article that serves as a reminder to us all of the frighteningly real evil incarnate that is the dark lord Satan.

Apparently his powers have grown in recent years, despite the ascendancy of such a righteously pious born-again to the highest office, and Satan too now has the ability to project his image onto inanimate and even animate objects. Is this Satan’s attempt to outdo the Virgin Mary’s highly profitable appearance in the grilled cheese we all worshiped? Obviously. Satan is clearly launching an all-out assault, this being at least his second appearance in the last ten years (first was his guest role as the evil Darth Maul in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace).
Here’s the article I was divinely guided to:

'Satan' Appears on Turtle's Shell
Monday, March 21, 2005
Associated Press

MICHIGANTOWN, Ind — The owner of a turtle that was the only survivor of a pet shop fire says he sees an image of Satan's face on its shell.

"The marking on the shell was like the devil wanted us to know he was down there," Bryan Dora said. "To me, it's too coincidental that the only thing to come out unscathed would have this image on it."

The palm-sized red-eared slider turtle, named Lucky, was the only animal to survive a fire last October at Dora's A-Dora-ble Pet Shop in nearby Frankfort, about 40 miles northwest of Indianapolis.

Dora and others can spot lips, eyes, a goatee, shoulders and a pair of pointy horns on Lucky's back.
The image was not visible before the fire, and Dora speculates the intense heat might have caused the shell's color to change. The turtle is healthy and there was no change in its behavior, he said.

Dora has produced a DVD of the turtle's survival story and the pet shop's history, including footage of the fire. He titled the DVD "The Pet Shop Story of Lucky the Turtle."

At first I was skeptical (I know, skepticism along with reason are the devil’s tools, but not when applied to the devil silly!), but then I saw the picture.

Truly sobering with fright, is it not my brethren? Why the evil one decided to burn down this pet store is something between him and the lord I suppose, but the picture says it all. This is clearly the work of the devil, Satan himself. After all we all know what he looks like, and just as the article says this wicked turtle has all the marks of evil; “lips, eyes, a goatee, shoulders and a pair of pointy horns”. It’s as clear as the light of heaven. Presumably, had Satan chosen a larger animal with a torso, a pointy bifurcated tail and a trident would be visible. Regardless this is clearly the evil work of the evil one, and we must praise Bryan Dora and the Associated Press for courageously bringing this to the world’s attention, despite the obvious risks involved in provoking Satan. Bryan Dora has even gone so far as to offer sales of a DVD of the evil turtle’s story, as the article indicates.
Fear not, for ours is the one true way, and we will surely emerge victorious in the battle for souls, but we must remain vigilant and ever-aware of the ongoing nature of that battle. Hallelujah Amen.

This article is dedicated to the memory of Harry Hay (1912 - 2002)