Middle Journey

By Elisa Phillips

A very wise friend often says that if you have a map you are traveling, if you chuck the map, then it becomes a journey.
When I was in high school, a teacher, who I respected a ton, told me that I had to answer a crucial question: “Do you Elisa want to make a living or do you want to make a life?”

As I grow into my middle thirties, I think the question my teacher asked me is really the path selection phase of the journey my friend refers to. I think for much of my life, I thought I needed to know exactly where the path I so carefully selected lead, I had to invest in industrial strength blinders, as to not get distracted by the scenery along the path and furthermore my map needed to include details down to the level of microorganisms, which might seasonally appear on the path. I had missed the point. The path I picked was not the life I was to lead, the life I had chosen was ALONG the path – I was just missing it while keeping careful eye on my map.

I continued on the path, even after it became clear that the path I selected was not leading to a place I wanted to go any longer, more to the point it was leading further and further away from the path I knew in my heart I wanted to be on.

Settling into my third decade however, I realized that I had become a bit of a control freak - actually I now am proudly a card carrying member of CFA - Control Freaks Anonymous! I am working on turning over a new leaf! I have come to terms with the fact that I cannot control the behavior of others - only my reaction to it. I recently threw out my map – I now follow the sun and take stock of the scenery along my path every day. I pause, I stretch and occasionally, while still keeping an eye out for poison Ivy, I will admit to getting a bit off the path and really taking a look all the splendor around me.

I spent alot of time in my twenties trying to make sure - frantically that all my ducks were in a nice neat row, that my life was organized to perfection. While I am still organized and I still plan things - I am open to a bit of chaos. I have an idea of what will happen in a given day. I keep a calendar so that I can honor those commitments I have made. But no longer am I ruled by my calendar and if I have to make changes I make them.

The big difference is now I rule the schedule, it does not rule me. I view time differently. I do not micro manage my day in two second increments. Now I look at my days as times to have experiences, opportunities to learn something and not as the sum total of what I can accomplish. It is not a distance that has to be crossed in a set time period – it is my life and I need to live it.
The problem I think with many people is that while they run frantically from point A to point B on their ultra detailed maps, they miss the beauty of their lives; when life is frantic and so over scheduled and every detailed planned and every activity a tightly controlled dance and balancing act, life really passes them by in a blur of measured time and details.

I want to point out that I am not saying that life needs to be a chaotic mess. Having a plan is a good thing – having a plan that choked the life out of everyday is not. Not being willing to take a look at sites not on the map is not a good thing. I think some planning makes for a reasonable flow – an outline is useful, it creates focus. Focus is good. Focus in the moment is even sweeter.
I think in the long run - the best way to relax and to unwind is to trust in yourself - accept your limitations and celebrate your accomplishments and know that tomorrow is another day and you have the chance to start all over again - the chance to live yet another day to the fullest!

I have also observed that some of us wrapped up so tightly in our map reading and need to control everything – end up seeking a break, in self destructive ways. Chemical induced moment of sheer freedom or other unhealthy pursuits, which over time only cause more trouble than the mild surcease that we seek. I have learned it is very freeing to give up some control - without chemicals. The sheer power of just letting go - to surrender and acknowledge that life is full of challenges - you meet them and move on. Taking the path least traveled is a choice, turning around and backtracking is allowed. Contrary to the sign posted – if you dare – making your own path through the grass works also.

The life lesson for me has become “The Road of Life Takes Us Many Places - Learning to Love the Journey is Key!"

Bon Voyage!