APPROVAL

The wizened old banker looked down at the papers in his hand, gave them a good shuffling. He looked across the desk at the neatly-dressed and much younger man sitting across from him, then back down at the document. Looking up, he spoke.

"So this is your business plan, then?" he asked.

"Yes," the man replied. "I've been in the food service industry since I've been old enough to work. I think I know how to run a restaurant and I know my partners and I can make it succeed."

"You're aware, of course, that this is a bad time to open a business."

"Well, it's certainly a difficult environment, with all the uncertainty out there. But bad seems...well, bad is a bad word, you know? I think we can make it work. I know it, in fact. We will be successful. It won't be easy, it'll take a lot of work, but we are hard workers. It's what we do. We just need a little boost up here at the beginning, but I'm very confident in our chances."

"Mm-hm. Well, I must say your enthusiasm is admirable. And I'd like to be able to help you out; you seem like an industrious type. I just have a couple of questions about the application."

"Fire away."

"Well, first, I'm not sure that you have adequate collateral for a loan."

"Adequate WHAT? I put my house up."

"Yes, that's true, you did. Your house. Son, do you understand the idea of collateral? Do you get the concept?"

"Huh? Yeah, I think so. It's so if I don't pay you back--and I will pay you back--but if I didn't, you would take the collateral from me. My house."

"Yes, that's right, that's the general idea. You see, for collateral to be acceptable, though, it has to have some kind of value. Young man, have you seen the housing market lately?"

"I paid $200,000 for that house three years ago."

"Mm-hm. Well, that doesn't speak very well to your judgment, does it? Rather suggests we'd be throwing good money after bad. Well, as I say, we would like to try and help you out. Do you have anything else?"

"I own a new car."

"Ah, excellent. That is good news. A BMW, is it, perhaps a Honda Prius?"

"Cadillac Escalade, 2009. Top of the line."

"Oof. I don't think you're getting the idea. We're looking for something that, should you default, would hold some value, an article we could sell and obtain some cash for. A gas-guzzler made by a company that is unlikely to exist by the end of the decade, well that does seem a bit out of step with the times."

"But..."

"We do want to help you, now. Surely you must have something."

"I have a stock portfolio."

The banker looked away for a moment, suppressing a laugh. "Excuse me. No, I don't think that will do in this bear market. We need something with value. Do you have any rare coins? A stamp collection? Some comic books, perhaps? Those go well on ebay."

"Nothing like that. Look, forget it. I'm sorry to have wasted your time. My partners and I have put the first hundred grand together anyway, I guess we can just keep saving."

"What's that? Did you say you had $100,000?"

"Yes, that's right."

"My boy, my boy--why didn't you tell me? Why with that much money you could buy this whole bank right now and borrow as much as you wanted."