The Non Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:
Street Sign
by
Rick Brown
Scene: A residential neighborhood in Columbus, Ohio called Clintonville, at the intersection of Crestview and Druid. There is a steady rain, much flashing lightening and grumbling thunder. Rick is standing on his front porch (stage right) with his dog Henri. Across Druid is neighbor Greg (a beefy man in his late 50’s), dressed in a bright orange Cleveland Browns rain poncho, hood up. He is wielding a chainsaw, cutting up a downed tree while his 30-something daughter Jennifer collects the cuttings and puts them into a pile on the tree lawn. They both seem oblivious to the violent storm engulfing them.
Suddenly a car pulls up to the stop sign on Druid. A young man in his early 20s jumps out of the car. He runs quickly over to the sidewalk in front of Rick’s house where the “Crestview” street sign has been blown down by the strong winds. He picks up the street sign heads back to the driver’s side door of his idling automobile.
Greg sees the young man carrying the sign and points his chainsaw in his direction.
Greg – Put the FUCKING SIGN DOWWWWWNNN!!!
Young Man – What?
Greg (again pointing the chainsaw and revving it for effect) – I said put the fucking sign DOWWWWWNNN … NOW!!
Young Man – Weren’t you ever young?
The rain continues pelting the three standing in the street.
Greg – Yeah. I was young and I knew what STEALING was!
Young Man – You were never young.
Greg – Come over here and I’ll KICK YOUR ASS!! Now drop the fucking sign!!
The Young Man throws the “Crestview” street sign back onto the sidewalk in front of Rick’s house where he found it.
Young Man – You don’t have to be a prick about it.
The young man climbs back into his car and drives off.
Greg walks over in the rain, picks up the sign and walks toward his front porch.
Rick – Well DONE SIR!!
Greg turns and faces Rick and Henri.
Greg – What a fucking PUNK! I’d a kicked his ASS!
Everyone involved ponders the scene for a moment.
Greg- HEY! You got anything needs chain-sawed?
Curtain
Cast:
Rick – himself
Henri – himself
Jennifer – her drenched self
Greg – his chain sawing, swashbuckling self
Young Man – his fucking punk almost got his ass kicked self
In a Time of Disorder
by Dennis Toth
We live in a time of disorder
Where every feeling has been devalued
Like tarnished gold in the back
Of a cluttered closet with a door
That has warped from a long rain
And the water pooled along the floor
Soaking old diaries till the ink bleeds,
Like tears smudging every page.
It is a time of disorder
As people lumber through life
As sullen movie-fried zombies
Staggering in shock and stupor
In a panic search for some
Dim memory of passing joy.
Perhaps forgotten love or
Fleeting glimpses of vague
Passions that once seemed real
Like an old aching bone
Until a terrible shadow stirred.
A rude awakening that was neither
Real nor dream but some poor
Land strangely in between.
Neither act nor shadow,
Neither life nor dream.
For we live in a tide of disorder
And the old bearded man
In the junk yard screams
That the dialectic is not a dream.
More a burden, it sometimes seems.
Never ending, sight unseen,
Relentless and unbending.
More remote than any star.
More relentless than any sea.
http://leavesofcrass.blogspot.com/
The Non Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:
Sherwin - Wisenheimer
by
Rick Brown
Scene: A paint and paint supply store with a service counter in the middle of the room. There is a big sign on the back wall depicting the Earth being covered with paint pouring from a giant paint can. A typical looking 30-something man is mixing paint at the paint shaking machines just below the big sign. A short 20-something woman employee with cropped hair and a tattoo on each of her upper arms is waiting on a smartly dressed, petite, white haired lady at the service counter. Rick walks in through the front door carrying a can of fence stain.
20-Something Employee (to the white haired lady) – your paint is mixing now. It’ll be ready in a few minutes.
White Haired Lady – Thank you.
20-Something Employee (to Rick) – Can I help you?
Rick – Yes. I need a couple more cans of this stuff.
He places the gallon can on the counter.
20-Something Employee – What’s this?
Rick – Paint stain. I need more.
20-Something Employee – Yeah. But I’ve never seen THIS STUFF before.
Rick – But I bought it here.
20-Something Employee – I doubt that. I don’t remember EVER selling this here!
She leans on the counter and smirks.
20-Something Employee – NEVER! Where’d you get this stuff? From another CENTURY!
Rick (looking at the White Haired Lady) Yeah. It’s from another CENTURY.
The White Haired Lady smiles broadly in Rick’s direction.
Rick – Read the label. I bought it here.
20-Something Employee – In 2009?
Rick (sarcastically) – Yeah 2009 … back in another CENTURY!
The White Haired Lady again smiles.
The 20-Something Employee abruptly walks away. Soon the Typical Looking
30-Something Man strolls up to Rick and smiles.
Typical Looking 30-Something Man – Is there something I can help you with sir?
Rick – Yes. I need more of this stuff or something compatible.
Typical Looking 30-Something Man – I’m sure I can help you.
Rick – I dunno … it’s from ANOTHER CENTURY!
The Typical Looking 30-Something Man (looking at the label on top of the can) – But you just bought this here in 2009.
The White Haired Lady and Rick look at each other and chuckle.
Curtain
Cast:
Rick - himself
20-Something Employee – her wisenheimer self
White Haired Lady – her smartly dressed, petite self
30-Something Man – his Typical Looking Self
|
Chicago
Shadowbox Live
The Brewery District
Columbus, Ohio
by Rick Brown
Vampires
Shadowbox Live
The Worly Building
Brewery District
Columbus, Ohio
By Rick Brown
Cul-de-sac
by
Morris Jackson
My Blue Peeps
by
C. Mehrl Bennett
Blog:
http://cmehrlbennett.wordpress.com
Busy
by
Amy McCrory
Rick's
book, Best Bites is available at:
Lulu.com
&
Amazon.com
Hmmm's
by
Rick Brown
Hmmm # 49
Some mistakes
are worth making.
Trouble is,
you can’t know
until after you
make them.
Hmmm # 50
Sometimes
the best way
to learn something
is the
hard way.
Hmmm # 51
As I age
the only thing
getting stronger
is my
beard.
|
by
Sue Olcott
Click Here
Accomplice
Raconteur Theatre
at Madlab
Columbus, Ohio
by Rick Brown
Columbus Brew Ha Ha
Brewery District
Columbus, Ohio
July 16th, 17th, & 18th, 2012
by
Rick Brown
The Best of Shadowbox Live 2012
Brewery District
Columbus, Ohio
by
Rick Brown
100 Degrees
by
Rick Brown
It’s 100 degrees outside.
Still … I was out and about today … HOT as you know where!! But I did go to a very busy North Market where I commented to the guy in Curds and Whey, “Gee, I guess school’s out huh?” He told me 30,000 volleyball players had invaded the city for a tournament. And he was right … I enjoyed my lunch amongst a bevy of either high school girls or college coeds (I can’t tell the difference anymore) dressed in their volleyball “uniforms”.
He told me they didn’t buy cheese.
I told him I was pretty sure I was going to hell.
The Non Fiction Theater of the Truly Mundane
proudly presents:
Self-Checkout!
by Rick Brown
Scene: Inside a Giant Eagle grocery store at the “12 Items or Less” self-checkout register. The store is relatively quiet with a few shoppers scurrying here and there pushing carts. Rick pushes a small shopping cart up to the machine.
Self-Checkout Register (In a cooing female voice) – Welcome! If you have a Giant Eagle Advantage Card please scan it now!
Rick scans his card and the register beeps.
Self-Checkout Register – Your Giant Eagle Advantage Card has been accepted! Please scan your first item.
Rick begins scanning his “less than” 12 items.
Self-Checkout Register – Two nineteen! Six ninety-nine!
Please put your items in the bag!
Rick scans a 4-pack of toilet paper.
Self-Checkout Register – Two ninety-nine! Please put your item in the bag!
Suddenly the Register’s numbered sign begins flashing.
Self-Checkout Register – Your item’s weight does not match the item’s price!”
Rick – Say what?
He continues, scanning another 4-pack of toilet paper.
Self-Checkout Register – Your item’s weight does not match the item’s price!
Rick is through scanning.
Self-Checkout Register - Your total is twenty nine fifty-seven.
Rick slips two twenty-dollar bills into the Register. Coins jangle out along with a single five-dollar bill.
Rick then waves to a Giant Eagle employee. A squatty woman with very long, manicured and painted fingernails approaches Rick.
Employee – Is there a problem sir?
Rick – Yes. The Register shortchanged me by at least five dollars.
The Giant Eagle employee touches The Register’s screen several times.
Employee – No. The Machine is correct.
Rick – Are you calling me a liar?
Employee – No. I’m telling you The Machine is correct.
Rick – That’s the same thing isn’t it?
Employee - You’ll have to go to the Customer Service Desk. Someone will have to count the till.
Rick walks over to the Service Desk just a few feet away. The man behind it has heard the conversation.
Man Behind Counter – Sherry’s on break. She’s the only one who can help you.
Rick (looking at his watch) – I have to be somewhere in 20 minutes. There is no one else who can help me?
Man Behind the Counter – Sherry’s been gone 10 minutes and should be back soon.
Rick – You know, the longer I wait the angrier I’ll get.
The Man Behind the Counter tries to ignore Rick.
Rick – You know, if it was just spare change I’d forget it. But five bucks is five bucks.
Rick waits impatiently, checking his watch every 30 seconds or so. The Man Behind the Counter will not look at him.
Eventually a young woman emerges from the back.
The Man Behind the Counter – Sherry! This customer says The Self-Checkout Register shortchanged him five dollars and you have to open The Machine and count the till.
Sherry looks at him incredulously, then at Rick, and then again at The Man Behind the Counter.
Sherry (Rolling her eyes in an exaggerated manner at The Man Behind the Counter) – Just GIVE! IT! TO! HIM!!
Curtain
Cast:
Rick – himself
Giant Eagle Employee – herself
The Man Behind the Counter – The Man Behind the Counter
Sherry – herself
Self-Checkout Register - itself
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